St. Valentine’s Day is all about love, and love isn’t limited to romantic relationships, it’s deeply felt through our children. It’s vital to find the right ways to express this love for your child’s psychological well-being. So, how about using St. Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to review how you express love to your kids?
What is your child’s love language?
There are different love languages, and everyone has unique preferences. Let’s explore them:
1- Physical Touch: Some children thrive on physical intimacy. Hugs, kisses, and tickles make them happy. It’s important to adjust as they grow, especially in father-daughter and mother-son relationships. Experts recommend daily hugs and kisses even as your kids grow older!
2- Words of Affirmation: Positive affirmations about oneself feels good. It’s common to hear phrases like “You are great!”, “You look very beautiful!” in this love language. However, it’s important not to overpraise, as it might set unrealistic expectations in their lives outside the home, such as school. Focusing on the effort is essential for them to understand the value of hard work. No success stories come without hard work. For example, saying “You worked so hard and deserved that” is more effective than overly praising their abilities like “You are an amazing creature, you can do anything!” to protect them from unrealistic expectations and disappointments that it brings.
3- Quality Time: Spending productive time together improves your relationship with your child. Engaging in art projects like painting a wall in their room, organizing movie nights, or collecting pinecones, battens and stones from the nature while working on DIY projects, not only creates lasting memories but also teaches new skills and boosts self-confidence. It is also one of the love languages!
4- Gifts: While giving special gifts can bring joy, it’s crucial to emphasize quality over quantity. Avoid letting them become “gift addicts,” and remember that gifts can’t replace quality time spent with you. A lot of parents turn to gift giving to ease their guilt over not spending enough time with their kids. Consider setting a limit, like one special gift per month, to instill patience and appreciation. Also try to avoid getting gifts right after they demand it, as it will decrease the gift’s emotional value. Limited, special gifts can be tools for children to have a better understanding of what they want. Creating a wish list together can be a good idea!
5- Acts of Service: Some children really love gestures like cooking a delicious cake, guiding them through sleep, or surprising them by tidying their room, etc. However, it’s vital to strike a balance between helping and letting them take on responsibilities to foster independence. If you do everything for them, they will never learn how to look after themselves. But correctly used, this is one of the best ways to show your love.
How will you know your child’s love language?
Observe what makes them happy. Experiment with different approaches. Do they seem disinterested when you hug them? Did they quickly unwrap their present and move on? Do they enjoy playing games and show their love for it? Pay attention to what activities make their day. Also, understand how they express love to you and others. It’s a great clue!
Listen to what they usually ask for. Treat it as a hint for the love language they prefer. Identifying what makes them unhappy is just as important—it shows that your current approach might not be working for them.
Offer them two choices. Present two different love languages and let them choose. Their selection will guide you.
Do your children have only one love language? Will it remain the same forever?
No, it won’t. People can have multiple love languages, and their needs may change depending on circumstances. The key is to listen and observe your kid’s evolving needs and preferences.
Point of View: Don’t forget to explore your own love language and kindly communicate it to your family. You are a fantastic parent and a human being deserving of having your needs met!
Wishing you an amazing St. Valentine’s Day full of discoveries of love.
We love you.